Love is crazy.
It makes us crazy. It drives us crazy and running into pure madness.
Who can truly measure it's worth, capture it's effect, calculate it's timing, or understand it's power?
I cannot. I've only loved twice in my life. The first was a surprise...a pleasant one though. At first I felt like a young girl who landed her secret crush. It was good. It was passionate. It was intense. But it was also blinded by the fact I thought I had to hold onto something every girl wanted that they couldn't have. It wasn't toxic but it wasn't healthy either. I figured it was too good to be true, and pretty soon I was right. We were both two lost souls desperate and struggling to find a way to the surface together. How could we not drown? How were we to ever make it up? Well, my world came to an incredible pause. I found my heart shattered like glass into a million fragments. There was no way I could've put it back together without pain...without bleeding. I thought life was over. The only reason I held on was love...and love was lost. What was there to hold onto now? I thought love/I thought life was over for me now. My heart was searching for it but my mind replayed the nightmare over and over again. God really worked through the brokenness.
The time seemed to pass like that of molasses...slow and surprisingly sweet. In fact, some of the best memories I have are during that time. I made friends, I was accepted, I was popular, I gained the confidence I had lost, and I found that God was still with me in that ocean still trying to make it to the surface.
A stranger came into my life. This stranger soon became a friend, who soon became a confidant, who soon became someone I came to love (though he didn't love me the same way at that time). Of all the hundreds of men I had met, befriended, even crushed on...he was different. I fell in love and no one had pulled on my heart strings the way he did.
He loves me. He doesn't care what color my skin is, what color my eyes are, how straight or white my teeth are, if I came from money or not, if I have success...He didn't care that I was wounded, confused, anxious, angry, and at times unpredictable. He saw a girl who needed someone to love her. Desperately. He loves every part of me...even the bad ones. The ones I wish I could hide, even from him. He picked me! Of all the women he knew, all the women who wanted to be with him, he found his way to me and committed to love me the rest of his days. Wow. He isn't perfect but neither am I. He irritates, frustrates, and pushes me too far sometimes but so what?
Here is the first person who accepted me and is proud of even the smallest and most insignificant accomplishment. He thinks I am beautiful and tells me each and every single day. He continues to love me even when I push him away. Until him, all my thoughts and dreams of love were shaded and blurred. He is my God-given partner. We ride or die together. If this ship goes down, I know I won't be going alone. He will be right there with me.
Wow. If a man can love me like that, think of God's great love for us. He sent His only Son to die for me (which he willingly gave up everything to do), take on all the sins of man, be separated from love and abandoned by the people closest to Him, to give me eternal life and live with him FOREVER! He knew me before I even heard of His name. He created me and breathed His breath into me. There is no love greater, stronger, more potent or more powerful than His. He moves me to humility and drives me to persevere and overcome all that life has thrown my way. There is no greater love. He is my soulmate. He is my heart's rhythm and it's beat. He is the breath in my lungs, and the blood in my veins; He is [my] life. Thank you Jesus for showing me a glimpse of what love is supposed to look, feel, and be like.
I love you.
Always and forever,
t
